Monday Munchies: Cannabis! Chili! Couples Skate?

Classic! (Photo by Jefferson VanBilliard)

Last week, between working overtime and finally getting my yellow belt in karate (Thank you Sensei Dylan), I had a chance to spend some special time in a city that I usually only hear about in passing. Fountain Valley offers very little in the way of cannabis storefronts, and by very little I actually mean absolutely nothing. Besides bowling, church and my own personal favorite Costco, there’s really no reason for this pothead to make the trip down the 405 unless it’s to get farther away from Huntington Beach.

That is, until I remembered that Fountain Valley has a skating rink. Call me crazy, but there’s a certain joy I get from knowing that I’m about to witness a possible career ending injury as I effortlessly glide by people backwards, surrounded by a thick cloud of weed smoke while “Pony” by Ginuwine blares over the speakers. Don’t judge me; it’s cheaper than getting cable and it helps keep me in shape.

Once the neon lights have been cut and the fog machine is out of juice, I like to replenish my body with a proper meal fit for a king. Since I’m in Fountain Valley that meal happens to be Tommy’s, the classic burger/chili combo that nobody asked for but realized we desperately needed. The menu will try and lie to you about what you should get, using clever distractions like chili-less burgers or breakfast burritos. Ignore all of it and grab yourself a number two. A single burger patty might give off the impression that you’ve been shorted but believe me, you’ll be fine. My only real problem with the otherwise perfect burger is the fact that Tommy’s decided to exclusively offer Pepsi products even though it’s 2019 and they should know better. Pepsi should change their mission statement to “I’m sorry, is Pepsi ok?” And the answer will always be a disappointing, “Yeah, I guess.”

After putting down an entire meal soaked in chili, you’ll have a long enough drive back to civilization to think about the damage you’ve done–both on and off the rink.

Tommy’s, 9024 Recreation Cirle, Fountain Valley, CA 92708.

P.S. Make sure you go skate first. Nobody wants to roll around a rink with a buttload of beans moving through their body.

Fountain Valley Skating Center, 9105 Recreation Cirle, Fountain Valley, CA 92708.

About The Author

Jefferson Matthew VanBilliard is a leo that enjoys all things cannabis and is just trying his best. He let us know that although the desert will always be his home you can find him on Fourth St. in Santa Ana battle rapping teenagers or at the local high school where he coaches girls varsity volleyball without anyone’s permission.

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